I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
