Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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