i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
