Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
