This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
