Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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