Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
