The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
