the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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