It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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