Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
