i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
