I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
