You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
