Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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