if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
