he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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