Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
