My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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