Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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