Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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