i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize