he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize