a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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