He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
