Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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