if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
