I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
