im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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