why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
