Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
