It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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