dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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