I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
