fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
