That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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