I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
