worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
