Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
