I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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