I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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