my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize