I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
