Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm jealous of your bromance
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
