Soap is not a condiment
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
