some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
