hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
