i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
