Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
