saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
