Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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