the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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