So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize