just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
