im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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