One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
