OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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