i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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