I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
