i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
