i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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