I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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