just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
