He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
