I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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