You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
