He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is Oprah even human
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
