Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
