I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize