Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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