at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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