Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so let's talk penis.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
