I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
