Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
