dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
