boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
