girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
