god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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