Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
