A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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