You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
