so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
