Don't you send me to vm
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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