I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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