The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
