it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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