sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
