Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
