I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
