Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
there is glitter all over my balls
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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