Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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