I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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