are you still at the devil's house?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
