so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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