she was so not down for the gang bang
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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