I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize