Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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