i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
