wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
